Why is it so hard to stand up for yourself?

Why is it so hard to stand up for yourself?

For one: it’s uncomfortable! It’s nothing you do every day, right? It’s a skill. You’ve gotten pretty darn good at the hundred other things you do daily in your life, whether it’s presenting, making a sales pitch, fundraising, running numbers on that latest proposal. You’ve perfected those skills over time because that’s what you do.

But (hopefully) it’s not every day that you have to stand up for yourself. Doing something you’re not used to doing tends to make you comfortable—it’s a natural reaction. It doesn’t matter whether it’s presenting on stage, going to a job interview or heck, doing that headstand in yoga. Now, combine the discomfort of something unusual with the fact that you’re confronting a human being who isn’t treating you with respect—well, that’s more than enough.

Strategies for overcoming your workplace bullyt. It doesn’t have to be public. You can pull them aside and confront them one to one. For example, if you’re experiencing issues in a meeting, you may want to corner your Bully during a break or just after the meeting. He’ll likely appreciate that you didn’t do it publicly—and you’re letting him know that you’re not finding it acceptable. Again, you don’t need to be crass about it, but you can ask, “Why didn’t you let me get a word in during the meeting? Every time I tried to make a point, you cut me off.” This is a respectful and pointed way at bringing attention to the issue. If he’s doing it on purpose, he’ll see that you won’t stand for it (a Bully’s nightmare!) If he’s not aware, your conversation will hopefully make him more self-aware.

2. Find some allies. It could be your manager, a friend, another male co-worker. Confide in someone you trust and have them stick up for you—in meetings, in the hallway, etc. You know what they say: safety in numbers. You don’t have to do this all on your own.

3. Document everything. If it’s a persistent problem, make sure you get something in writing. Take notes of when it happens, and any follow ups you may have with that person.

4. Support other women. Help other women be heard. Repeat what they say in meetings. Call on them to speak if they look like they have something to say. Give them space to be heard and to have a seat at the table.

What issues have you experienced in the workplace, and how have overcome them?